#15 Is Your Subconscious Holding You Back from Healing?

Have you ever felt like you’re your own worst enemy in your healing journey? You get excited, set your intentions, and then—bam—something happens. You procrastinate, resist, or even quit. Self-sabotage—is it your enemy, or is it trying to show you something?

In this episode, we’re going to flip the script and show you why self-sabotage is actually a friend. 

We’ll explore:

1. How self-sabotage is a guide pointing you to deeper layers of healing.
   
   
2. Why protective patterns are at the root of self-sabotage.
   
   
3. How creating safety in your subconscious mind is the key to breaking free.
   
   

Stick around to learn how seeing self-sabotage in a new light can actually be the breakthrough you need to step into the healing you’ve been longing for.

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Thanks for listening!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Have you ever felt like your own worst enemy in your healing journey? You get excited, you set intentions, and then bam, something happens. You procrastinate, resist, or even quit. Self-sabotage. Is it your enemy or is it trying to show you something? In this episode, we're going to flip the script and show you why self-sabotage is actually a friend. We'll explore how self-sabotage is a guide pointing you to deeper layers of healing, why protective patterns are at the root of it, and how creating safety in your subconscious mind is the key to breaking free. Stick around to learn how seeing self-sabotage in a new light can actually be the breakthrough you need to step into the healing you've been longing for. Welcome back to the Rebellious Healer Podcast, where we don't just talk about healing, we take action. This podcast is for women who are done letting their symptoms control them. It's time to ditch the fear, understand the messages, and take control of your health and healing. Let's dive in. Before we dive into the main points, let's take a moment to really understand what self-sabotage is. It's a pattern where you set intentions and know what you need to do, but somehow something holds you back. You procrastinate, resist, or give up before getting too far. But here's the thing: self-sabotage really isn't your fault. It's actually a sign from your subconscious mind, which is hardwired to keep you safe. Your subconscious doesn't differentiate between physical danger and emotional discomfort. It just wants to keep you in what feels familiar, even if that familiarity is unhealthy. Think of your subconscious mind like a guard dog. The guard dog's job is to protect you, right? So it's trained to alert you to danger and make sure you're safe. However, what happens when that guard dog is overprotective? Maybe it starts barking at harmless things like the mailman or a friendly neighbor. The dog doesn't know the difference between a real threat and something that's safe. It just reacts because it's been conditioned to keep you safe. Your subconscious works the same exact way. When you try something new, whether it's starting a new healing method or stepping into a bigger, more empowered version of yourself, the subconscious reacts like the guard dog, warning you, this is unfamiliar, this might be dangerous. And so it kicks in with self-sabotaging behaviors, procrastination, resistance, and fear. It's not because you're weak or lazy, it's because your subconscious is over-protecting you from something unfamiliar. When you try to heal, your subconscious might not understand that healing is a good thing. It sees change as a threat. And just like that guard dog barking at harmless things, it tries to protect you by keeping you stuck in the familiar. So when you self-sabotage, it's really just your subconscious trying to keep you in a place that feels safe. Even if that safety is holding you back from growth. But just like a dog, it can be trained to stop barking at harmless things. Your subconscious can learn to let go of those old fears and patterns. And when you understand this, you can start to work with your subconscious instead of fighting against it. Now let's talk about the reasons for self-sabotage. The first reason is the fear of failure. Most of us have been there. We try something new, we pour our energy into it, and then when it doesn't work out as planned, we think, I guess I'm just not good enough. This fear isn't just about the failure itself, it's about how we link failure to our self-worth. If we fail, we feel unworthy. We think that failure means we're inadequate, incapable, or undeserving of success. And so to avoid that pain, we procrastinate, we give up, or resist taking the necessary steps towards healing. But here's the shift. Failure isn't a verdict, it's a teacher. Failure is not the end. It's actually one of the most valuable tools for growth. Every time we fail, we're shown exactly what isn't working. And that is critical feedback on our journey. Let me give you a personal example. When I first started healing, I tried so many different things. The diets, protocols, supplements. Some things worked and some things didn't. Every time something didn't work, I felt like I was failing. Maybe I'm just not good enough to figure this out or smart enough to figure it out. I thought, but as time went on, I started seeing failure as a new redirection. It showed me where to adjust. It didn't mean I wasn't worthy. It meant I was learning and I was growing. Take a moment to reflect on failure in your life. What did you learn from it? How can you use that experience as guidance for moving forward? And most importantly, where did you learn that failure is a bad thing? This most likely does go back to childhood in most situations. It's that a parent was constantly criticizing you because you were making mistakes. You could never do anything right. And so this fear of failing happened because there was never anything positive coming from making a mistake. This is what I see very commonly when it comes to the fear of failure. But yours could be different. Just reflect at where this has come from for you because that reflection is helpful to know that it's just an old story. And then you can write these things down and see that failure isn't the end. It's an opportunity to learn and grow. And we also can see from a new perspective of why maybe our parents were constantly on us for making mistakes. They weren't understanding why we were doing what we were doing. We were learning that what we were maybe teenagers or young kids and just learning. And learning often comes with making mistakes. And often from an adult's perspective, that's hard to see. It's hard to watch. So they may have had this perfection pattern themselves, and then it just got passed on to you. It's really helpful to reflect on all of the perspectives here and where that fear of failure has stemmed from. Next up, let's talk about the fear of success. Something that may seem strange at first, but it's a real and powerful form of self-sabotage. You might think, why would I fear success? But success often comes with new responsibilities, more visibility, and higher expectations. These things can feel intimidating, especially if you're used to playing small or staying in your comfort zone. So let's take a look at an example of what this might look like. Let's say you have chronic fatigue and your symptoms start to improve. You start to feel better. But as things start to shift, you have a sense of overwhelm that takes over. Maybe what if I can't keep this up? What if I fail again after everything I've worked for? This is where your subconscious starts to resist the success because it feels like too much responsibility is going to come with this. Healing means stepping into a new identity, and that can feel daunting to a subconscious that wants to stay comfortable and small. And the truth is the fear of success is actually fear of the unknown, fear of what comes next. The subconscious doesn't know how to handle the unknown, so it protects you by keeping you in a state of resistance. Success brings change and change can feel uncomfortable, again, based on your past experiences. If your past experiences are proof to show that change is uncomfortable, then this is why there's going to be resistance. So if you're afraid of success, start by visualizing what success actually looks like for you. What does healing success look like? Break it down into small, manageable steps. And instead of focusing on this huge picture, focus on one step at a time. It doesn't have to be overwhelming. And if it does feel overwhelming, that means you're trying to do too much at one time, too big a step. Break it down into something small. And it's about gradual growth and embracing the small wins along the way. Now let's talk about perfectionism and fear of change. Perfectionism is the belief that everything must be flawless or it's not worth doing. It keeps you stuck in a loop of procrastination because you feel like if you can't get it just right, you'd rather not do it at all. But here's the catch perfection doesn't exist. Here's an example. Sarah wants to follow her healing protocol to a T, but every time she thinks about starting, she worries, what if I mess this up? What if I don't do it exactly right? Her mind tells her that if it's not perfect, it's not worth doing. So she delays and procrastinates. She doesn't even begin. The fear of imperfection holds her back. The second part of this self-sabotage is also a fear of change. They go hand in hand. Even positive change can feel threatening because it's unknown and the brain likes the familiar. And even if the familiar isn't helpful, it's safe. Again, safety is the 100% the focus of the subconscious mind. But on the other side, healing requires change, physical, emotional, and psychological. And change is hard for the subconscious, which often prefers the discomfort of the familiar rather than stepping into something new. Your brain would rather stay in a place of comfort, even though it is uncomfortable because it's painful, rather than stepping into something new. So I want to give you a tip here. I want you to focus on progress, not perfection. Break your healing goals into small, actionable steps. Every step forward, no matter how small is progress, and practice that self-compassion by reminding yourself that healing doesn't require perfection, it requires imperfect action. And again, just like these other patterns, it's really helpful to reflect on where these stemmed from. We're not going back and replaying these stories over and over, but we are going back to see where the patterns came from, which helps us to say that they're just an old story. It's going to the proof and saying, I see you. I see why this perfection is showing up from childhood. This and this and this all happened. And I see why now, subconscious, you're wanting to do this. And now I have a choice because I'm consciously seeing this poo all come to the surface. I now see my own poo. I see my own stories. And when you see those old stories, then you consciously have a choice. You really can't unsee it at that point. You have to consciously then make the choice to say, that is an old story. That was my younger self without the emotional maturity. That was my parents that didn't have the emotional maturity or skills to help me see this differently. And that's how this was created. But now I'm an adult who can reparent myself and give me what I need to know that these old stories don't matter anymore. Because that's what's going to help break the old pattern in the subconscious and provide the safety that it needs to let that old pattern go. And lastly, one of the biggest reasons we self-sabotage is unresolved trauma. Trauma can create emotional wounds that shape how we view ourselves and the world. These wounds don't just disappear, they influence our decisions and our behavior in ways we might not even realize. When we have unresolved trauma, the subconscious often tries to protect us by avoiding things that might bring up that old pain again. For example, here with Sarah. Sarah grew up, let's say, in a chaotic, unpredictable environment where her emotional needs weren't fully met. Now, as an adult, she's trying to heal, but part of her resists fully stepping into wellness. And the reason for that is her subconscious fears the emotional pain that might arise from truly facing and healing past trauma. Staying sick actually feels safe to the subconscious. The discomfort of chronic illness is more familiar than the uncertainty of change and the healing that would require confronting past wounds. This is also what we call secondary gains, the hidden benefits of staying in old patterns, even when those patterns are keeping us stuck. You know, those times when you see somebody do the same actions over and over, and you say to yourself, why do they keep doing those actions or making those choices when it's ruining their life? And it's because those actions are part of keeping them in a comfortable place. They are the coping mechanism. They are also the patterns that are keeping their subconscious in a place of safety and familiarity. And the subconscious holds on to these patterns because they feel safe. And it's the self-sabotage is that way of keeping things in that place of familiarity, even if it's unhealthy, because we fear the emotional pain that could arise from the change. So I want to challenge you here with identifying your secondary gains. What are you gaining by staying in your current pattern? Maybe it's sympathy, avoiding responsibility, or controlling the situation. Write down what's holding you back and consciously choose to let go of the old, unhelpful patterns, the stories, all this pile of poo that's keeping you stuck. Remember, they're just old stories. They're old ways of survival that are not helping you any longer now. They just helped you survive back then. This process is conscious awareness that can free you from the emotional grip of your past and all of these patterns. So, as I've discussed, creating safety in your subconscious mind is the key to breaking free from self-sabotage. Without that sense of safety, the subconscious mind will continue to resist change, even when change is for your highest good. But creating safety isn't something that happens overnight. It's about developing a new relationship with your subconscious, a relationship based on trust, not fear. The work is deep, and it starts with awareness and reflection. This is where the real healing begins, when we can look at patterns we're stuck in and ask ourselves why we're stuck there. Why does change feel so threatening? Why does healing seem like a risk? These questions help us uncover the deeper subconscious beliefs that are preventing us from moving forward. I want to invite you to reflect on these questions as you move through your own healing journey. Number one, what am I afraid of losing if I heal? Number two, what is my subconscious trying to protect me from? Number three, how have my past experiences shaped the way I feel about healing and change? And lastly, what if the only thing standing between me and my healing is my own subconscious fear? These questions don't have to be answered all at once, but they are meant to guide your journey. The answers will come as you sit with them. The more you reflect on them, the more you'll begin to see the subconscious beliefs that are keeping you stuck and preventing you from fully trusting the healing process. So, what have we learned today? Self-sabotage is not your enemy, it's a friend, showing you where the fears, beliefs, and unresolved wounds are hiding. When you see self-sabotage as guidance, it becomes a tool for transformation rather than something to avoid or fight against. Self-sabotage can be a powerful tool for transformation if you learn to recognize it as guidance. This area of self-sabotage is one of the biggest areas that I see is missed when trying to heal. While it may feel important to just focus on the patterns connected to your symptoms, the needle will not move if these subconscious patterns are not confronted. This is what we specialize in at NBR, the deep level work that creates lasting change. If you're ready to pull all the patterns that are blocking you from healing from the roots, apply to work with us in our eight-month Evolve program. The link is in the show notes. Thanks for tuning in today. Remember, self sabotage is your friend, and it's here to guide you.